I'm sorry but I’m really slow at delivering these outfit posts because frankly these days I own two outfits: a Sports Direct uniform and Pajamas. Therefore I am posting one of the articles I wrote earlier this year which I am really proud of.
If I am not boring you then read on...
- jazmin duribe
The age old question: Can you truly be friends with benefits?
Since the beginning of time there has been a secret arrangement which I’m sure many women and men have reached.
With the release of the feature films like No Strings Attached and Friends with Benefits earlier this year women across the world realised that they too were once in that situation - I wish mine had been Justin Timberlake and I’m sure my ‘friend’ wished I was Mila Kounis. But unlike the film I didn’t fall hopelessly in love. So, does that mean if you have the emotional capability to detach feelings and sex that you are a prostitute or a robot? Not necessarily.
We’ve all jokingly - or sometimes not - been called a slag, whore, slut and everything in between. Being ‘friends with benefits’ does not mean you are promiscuous it simply means you have your best interests at heart. All you are doing is separating the physical act which ‘usually’ takes place in a relationship to the emotional part of a relationship. Well you might be thinking how is she qualified to give such advice. Let me tell you I am the Queen of Friends with Benefits land. I live there. I eat there. And occasionally I sleep there.
An example is a boy I had met at a club whilst in my first week at uni, I can’t say I was attracted to him and being 116 miles from home I just wanted to make as many friends as I possibly could - besides you can never have too many friends. Maybe my intentions were not as innocent and pure as I have just made out but I like to think they were. Finding out he lived opposite me was a bonus, we could watch films, mess around and do what mates do. Till one night one thing led to another and I haven’t looked back since. When I went home and told my female friends about my recent conquest they were horrified. “Well what’s going to happen now, do you think he’s going to ask you out?” Then I had to remind them of my age and that it wasn’t 1954, I didn’t need marriage, a mortgage and babies - there didn’t have to be a next step. What if I liked things the way they were? That shut them up but I knew what they were thinking, “He’s using you and she’s going to get hurt so I’d better get the Rosé in.” Then I wondered why is it women that always have this detachment problem?
Men love having the ‘friends with benefits’ scenario because to them its like having all the good points of being in a relationship (i.e sex) and none of the boring emotional stuff. No being dragged around shopping centres for hours and no punishment for not getting you a present/forgetting your birthday. Since you’re already friends it’s like going out with one of the lads except this lad has boobs and you have sex at the end of the night. For a ‘regular’ woman this is sheer hell. ‘Regular’ women, I am not one according to everyone I know are strange creatures - they weep at the Time Traveller's Wife, they love to shop and they want their Prince Charming to ride in on a white steed. I, on the other hand, would rather watch Taken, I would rather be in the pub than go shopping and I would prefer Prince Charming whoever he may be on that day to be in a Corsa VXR.
Now, this is awfully stereotypical, a generalisation of women I am using here. I’m sure there are many women who, like me, love this ‘arrangement’. More and more women are taking control so now it’s no longer a taboo. Well, I say it’s no longer taboo but to the older generation/ people who just don’t understand you are still a slut/whore/slag. Realising that not wanting to be in a committed relationship is not weird at all, it’s perfectly normal and perhaps better for both parties in the long run. I don’t think I need to tell you what happens when someone is more committed than the other in the relationship. Infidelity.
Well does that mean to be friends with benefits you have to think like a man? Yes, basically. Now, this doesn’t mean going full on geezer bird and talking about how many pieces of sweetcorn were in your poo after last nights dinner. It means being strong and knowing what you want. Think of this as a contract. The terms and conditions are laid out before you proceed so you know where things are heading and just like being in court you have to be honest with each other for this to ever work out.
Obviously things don’t always go to plan so you must also know when the contract should be terminated, and if typed burnt. As soon as you feel that tinge of pain in your heart when s/he leaves and your head starts to tell you that you can be together STOP. Indeed, some of the best relationships have started on a friends with benefits status, however, this is rare, don’t believe the movies. It may be worth having a chat at this stage but whatever you do, do not just carry on as it will only end up with an awkward situation, no benefits and maybe even no friend. Another time for termination is when either party gets a new partner. It’s definitely time to call it quits, run like a cheetah. I know how it is all too easy for the arrangement to overspill into a new relationship but things will only get incredibly messy and may result in a brick through ones car window, maybe even in the face.
So, you can truly have friends with benefits all you need is honesty with yourself and your friend. If that fails then a contract definitely should be drawn up.
